Traveling While Female: Indonesia

During the month Kim and I were in Indonesia, in particular our weeks spent traveling alone from Lombok to Flores, the subject of traveling while female wouldn’t get out of my head. You see, I had traveled in Asia before this, but I was shocked at how different my experience was traveling as a single female. In previous excursions I had traveled with male friends, and although I was aware their presence must have made some sort of difference, I never realized the extent their being with me affected my experience in terms of comfort, ease of travel, and security. After our time in Indonesia I looked around to see what other women’s experiences had been. I was disappointed to find several forums with women asking for this specific kind of travel advice from other women, only to receive some rather antagonistic replies about using “common sense.” The vibe I got from many of them was, “Don’t be ridiculous. I did it, so anyone can” or “If something bad happens to you while you’re traveling, it’s your fault for not using common sense.” I rather think we can do better than that. Scattered among those vague replies were real experiences of women who did not have a smooth experience traveling as a single woman, and it is these experiences I’d like to speak to in this blog post.

On “Common Sense:”

Well yes, of course the aforementioned women were right. You should use common sense when traveling anywhere, even around your own home. (Thank you for that enlightened perspective.) However, for women, common sense often isn’t the same thing it is for men. Depending on one’s location, both socially and geographically, common sense may mean knowing where not to walk at night (or during the day). It may mean knowing what kind of body language to use to avoid provoking the wrong person or drawing attention to oneself. It may mean knowing how to appease someone who has power over you in order to avoid a dangerous situation. This isn’t to say you will be facing life-threatening situations if you travel as a single female. Rather, it is simply to say that women face unique challenges when traveling, because whether it is right or acceptable or not (hint: it’s not), women are still considered second class citizens in many parts of the world.

So while common sense is a wonderful tool, it will not change the culture you are traveling in or how you are perceived in it. This is especially frustrating for those travelers with a desire to get off the beaten path, get to know locals, and invest in the community they are visiting. While these are wonderful and worthwhile ventures, they often require a single female to be more guarded than she would need to be if she were [with] a man. This is unfortunate but often true, so the best thing one can do is be prepared. If you have some idea of the attitudes you will encounter before you step off the plane you’ll be better able to get the most out of your time and engage the culture you’re in wisely.

Indonesia:

Just as in other patriarchal cultures (this includes the U.S.), don’t expect your “no” to be taken as seriously as a man’s (or seriously at all) in Indonesia. This applies both to personal space and to bargaining. What we experienced during much of our travel was a strange mix of unwanted attention and not being taken seriously. The combination of being female and being a tourist means that our money elicits a certain amount of respect, but the way we are approached is through the lens of patriarchy. At our worst moments, it felt like if we weren’t undergoing verbal sexual harassment, we were being taken advantage of financially. It got to be quite overwhelming, especially when we saw differences in other travelers’ experiences. For example, at one bus station we inquired how much a bemo (taxi) would cost to our next destination since the bus wasn’t leaving for several hours. We were initially told 300,000 rupiah for the two hour drive, which we knew was extremely high. Even after our hardest bargaining the driver would only go down to 200,000 (>$20 USD), so we gave up. 20 minutes later an English man got on the bus I was waiting for, and when I told him it wasn’t leaving for two hours, he got off to inquire about a bemo. Five minutes later he skipped back on and grabbed his bag. A driver offered him 40,000 rupiah ($4 USD) right off the bat.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

You may receive unwanted attention. I know it’s hard for some people, but you might have to just brush off certain comments. Many men will use flattery or flirtation to get your attention or get you to buy something (i.e. When we got off one bus, one of the men in the crowd selling tickets opened with “You’re pretty. Do you have a boyfriend?”). You may also get stares or find what were casual conversations taking a turn toward the more personal, or uncomfortable. A good idea if you want to avoid this kind of attention is to wear a ring on your left ring finger or say you have a boyfriend.

Stay safe. I suppose this is where common sense comes in. Number one rule, just don’t put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Don’t find yourself alone with men you don’t know, use the buddy system, “just say no,” etc.

Be aware of the message you may be sending. Be cautious about getting too friendly with local men. Remember that men and women do not interact in the same way in Indonesian culture as they do in the West, and small things may unconsciously send the wrong message. There were several times when what I thought was a casual, friendly conversation took a sudden turn in another direction and caught me off guard. It was nothing that made me feel unsafe, simply uncomfortable. If it’s a stranger and you’re talking one on one, be polite but formal and to the point. Also remember that you have a certain image by default because you are a tourist. For us, being Americans triggered certain stereotypes in the minds of locals who only knew the America they’ve seen on sitcoms and music videos. Behaviors that are usually considered taboo, some men believe to be appropriate with Western women. Also be careful about how you dress. Leave the beachwear at the tourist beaches, and when you are traveling, be respectful of the culture you’re in. Be mindful that Indonesia is a mainly Muslim population and modesty is valued.

Make sure you’re getting a fair price. I mentioned before that we had problems even bargaining in certain instances. A good idea is to ask around with other travelers about the price they’re getting, mainly for things like public buses/bemos, and do research ahead of time about prices. We had the distinct impression that our voices carried very little authority, and most people expected us to back down after a certain amount of pressuring. The key is to stick to your guns; be confident and insist a fair price. If you need to, point out other travelers and tell the driver that they got ____ price, and that’s all you’ll pay. One thing you should expect in some of the more out-of-the-way areas (we got this a lot on Lombok) is groups of men approaching you at public bus stops/ferry ports to negotiate a transportation price. Sometimes it was a dozen men or more, all hovering around us and making offers in English, then conferring with each other in Indonesian, then re-stating their offer (always way overpriced). If you’re waiting for a public bus, be firm and let them know you’re not paying for their taxi/motorbike/speedboat. If they tell you the bus/ferry isn’t coming, don’t believe it. If the bus comes and those same men gather around the bus driver to suggest he offer you the same price they offered you (this way you’ll choose the faster option), just push through the crowd and negotiate your own price. State what you know is fair firmly and confidently. Don’t pose it as a question and don’t take no for an answer.

---------------------------

None of this is to imply that Indonesian men are in any way debase, or morally inferior to men of any other culture. Rather, the point is that when traveling in Indonesia, you are a foreigner in an overtly patriarchal culture, most likely spending time in areas where tourism is the primary financial means for a lot of the people you will have contact with, and you are therefore vulnerable on several levels. Some of those more experienced female solo travelers may be so accustomed to their travels that they either don’t realize there’s a difference between male and female solo traveling, or they’ve ceased to see it as a big deal (I suspect this explains the forum posts I mentioned earlier). I know for sure that many male travelers aren’t aware of the differences, which is to be expected (be aware that most travel writers are men). The differences, while they point to a disturbing and unequal social atmosphere, are “normal.” But that is no reason why you shouldn’t be prepared. 

Overall, though at times it was frustrating and difficult, I never felt like I was in danger in Indonesia. While it is wise to brace yourself, I would never suggest that the challenges of solo female travel inhibit someone from engaging as fully as they can or getting to know locals, who are mostly wonderful and nice people. Be wise and discerning, but don’t hold yourself back. Love yourself while respecting the culture you’re in, and chances are you’ll be able to roll with the punches.

Be sure to check out our general travel tips for Indonesia!